August 10, 2012
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Dearest Ms. Hiro,
Some nights keeping myself awake is all that keeps me from panicking about.
Turn off the lights, put out the sounds, and all I can think about is your head on my shoulder,
and my head on your mind -
and me not comfortable with either, but always begging for more.
Me, silently begging, quiet enough that you don’t hear,
but loud and in and out and upside-down through the caverns and cliffs, calling, rattling, echoing,
so loud that I can’t help but see how obvious a choice I made when I decided to assume why you didn’t catch on.
* * *
I can’t help but feel that all my friendships are just failed attempts at loving someone genuinely. Coz after you flew the coop, I’ve left my front doors open and people have come to help themselves. I’m still waiting for someone to bring something nice in. But so far all they bring is the dirt on their boots and heels.
* * *
To my son,
Because you live in town, I feel like I have to move away. I wonder if my Pa felt the same way about me when he realized all his friendships were just failed attempts at loving someone genuinely.